Okay...If i don't go to California THIS minute, I swear I'm going to like die.  I can't take it anymore!!  I miss it there so much.  I just..UGH!!!!!!!!!! 

So i'm watching tv all alone in my grandpas house.  (idk where my gpa was) ANYWAY.  I'm watching tv and there was Kelly Rutherford on tv, and i was like OH COOL!  So I watched it for about a minute, and then something came to my mind "Is..this movie.... scary?" and then HOLY HELL THAT GUY WITH THE WHITE MASK AND BLACK DRESS THING CAME OUT, AND THE TV MADE THIS LOUD NOISE, AND I JUMPED, THEN KELLY SCREAMED, AND I SCREAMED! Thank goodness I was the only person in the house.  Talk about embarrasing.  I HATE scary movies haha.  But I watched it anyway...well..until Kelly died.  Which was like 5 mins later.  

I just thought she looked really pretty in that movie.  She was too cute.  And I figured out the movie was Scream 3.  Wow

I'm listening to Hannah Montana~ He Could Be the One....0_0.  Me?  Wow...I feel like i've sunk to a new low. Eh Whatever, it's a pretty good song haha. 

I'm in a good mood today *Cheesy smile*

These statments really got me thinking.


I believe...
That sometimes when I get angry, I have the right to be angry. But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe...
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're gonna hurt you every once in a while and you should forgive them for that (under certain circumstances).

I believe...
That its taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe...
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe...
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and still have the best time.

I believe...
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe...
That just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do.

I believe...
You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

Today has been surprisingly great!  I'm so happy about it too!  It seems like things are looking up for me.  I've had fun hanging with Lizzie, and Chris.  Then nothing has bothered me today at all.  So i'm in a good mood.  I made a cute little picspam for the first time ever.  And i'm just having fun!  And it feels great :).  I'm enjoying my time off.  And i've lost more weight. WHOOT WHOOT!  I'm just feeling really good right now.  And i just wanted to post that.  OH and my moms bringing me a salad gotta run!

This is my first one ever.  Don't eve know if I did it right.  BUT OH WELL.  Lovely pics anyway :)


( Marcia Cuteness )

well It's four a.m.  I'm kinda bored. I'm so bored i'm watching Captain Planet on Boomerang.  Yes Captain Planet.  You guys remember that show?  It's kind of nuts.

Anyway, I finally got to bed last night after the HORRIBLE day yesterday.  Hopefully today will be better.  I doubt it.   Soooo Who wants to see some of my lame attempt at artwork?  Anyone?  WOOOOOOO

Well seriously.  I don't know how this DAY or week could be any worse.  This day has just been a whole pile of shit.  I've never seen my attitude fall so damn fast.  I'm really about to cry now.  I can't take this.

Lets start off with this morning.  I don't know what was going on.  I woke up like I usually do, and talked to Charly for a bit.  Then talked to Jo for a bit.  Then around 8 a.m it just went alllllllllll down hill.  I signed onto Facebook to see what my friend was doing up so early.  Then I posted a INNOCENT comment saying her mother was at work.  AND SHE SCREAMED AT ME!  My best friend flipped out for no reason, and me, Liz, Ida, and Jo were so confused.  Then She decided to (in her own words) "cut me out of her life."  For no reason WHATESOEVER! I don't know what i've done...but it hurts badly.  Because now she turned her mother against me, and it's jst all insane.  My friend has now blocked me on Twitter, Facebook, and removed me from her about me page on DFO.  apparently she wants nothing to do with me.  And she wants to forget about my living existince.  Almost like in the movie 50 first Dates.  And i'm fucking Adam Sandler.  IT HURTS!  Just to have someone erase you in a blink of an eye, and you don't know why. 

Then while thats been happening I haven't felt good all day.

THEN tonight I figure out my beloved husband Shawn Pyfrom is leaving Desperate Housewives.  Why doesn't someone just shoot me while i'm down.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?  SHAWN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!?!?  I'm so pissed.  You have no idea.  Why don't they get rid of that fucking Kyle Maclachlan, why does MY husband have to leave?!?!?!  My whole day has collapsed.

Then I'm gonna be gone all weekend when i just want to sit in my sorrows.  I don't want to go anywhere.  I'm so upset.

I just lost a good friend today......
------
Mood: Sad/pissed

I don't know whats going on lately.  My mind is so mixed up you know?  It's like...I can't even describe all the things my mind goes through on a daily basis.  I have so much to think about, and i have so much stress, it's just all piling up and i can't breathe!

Well lets start off with what makes me stressed.  Food.  Food makes me stressed.  I can't stop thinking about it all freaking day.  I'm OBSESSED with being skinny.  And it's terribly straining.  Because i count calories, and i do stupid things. I work out ALL DAY!  And my mind is just consantly thinking about being skinny.  It's soooo annoying.  And it's not even working!  I mean..it was.  But then I gained some of it back, so now i'm like in HYPER mode, and i'm just going crazy.  So thats all on my mind 24/7, and it's very stressing.

Then we have my emotions.  I'm still stressed I guess, about my grandmothers death.  I haven't...grieved yet.  And I don't think I will.  I haven't accepted her death yet, and I don't think my mind ever will.  I don't know why, it just...doesn't.  I feel almost like Katherine Mayfair.  She had such a strong front, and kept all this inside her, and thats exactly what i do.  But in the end she finally like spilled and blah blah.  But that won't happen to me.  I only keep my emotions inside.  Some people say that it's awful to bottle things up like that.  But i prefer it.  I don't see the use in crying over something I can't change.  And i can't even cry if i wanted to.  It's like...i'm all dried up!  I have no tears!  I don't know where they went.  So, another thing that bothers me, is that someone close to me says how stupid I am for only having my grandmother as my friend.  That hurt...so badly.  Especially when she started saying I had problems.  I wanted to cry then, because that was completly unnecesary.  But I couldn't.  My grandma wasn't only my grandma, she was like my mother.  I was with her 24/7, and she acted more like my mother, because she made the decisions. Not my real mother.  So...I guess thats why i'm still going through all this 'non' grieving process.  Because she was closer to me than anyone ever could be.

Okay ANOTHER stressor.  family.  Well for one, i've got my grandpa, and I get to watch him slowly die.  Isn't that great?  Then my mom is just...stupid.  She doesn't understand me AT ALL.  Then my dad, i love him dearly, but ...wow.  He's not really acting like a dad.  I've tried to get close to him, but he's just...too busy with his new family.  And we have NOTHING to talk about.  And when he asked me to go to the mall the other day, i thoguht that would be TONS of fun because we could talk and just hang out. But no.  He was so busy talking on the damn cellphone of his.  He just followed me to the stores while i picked out clothes and then he bought them.  He acts more like a body guard to me. 

Another is friends.  Well if you knew me, you'd know i don't really have...many.  I have about 3 or 4.  And thats fine with me, because I like my alone time.  But there is one in perticular who has just...really made me upset lately.  I don't know whats going on.  Does it make that person feel better, to make me feel like crap? This person talks about me, and acts like my life is so easy, and i get everything I want.  HELL NO I DON'T GET EVERYTHING I WANT!   IF i did, then id be living in california taking acting lessons, living with my dad and mom.  This persons acts like, since I have a lot of items and clothes, that i just get the world handed to me, and I CERTAINTLY DON'T!  I'd much rather have a few items, and be close to the ones I love.  I'd trade all my stuff, so i could be me.  I'm, in fact, jealous of that friend because her and her dad and mom are so close.  She actually gets to be who she wants to be.  While i sit in a lovely mask.

Well...now there's school.  Thats not TOO  stressing I guess.  The work can get to you, but i mean, there's nothing I can do about that.  School is school.  I guess college is going to be tough on me, but hopefully I'll be in CAlifornia studying.  I hope.

ANYWAY.  Just had to vent away.  There are more problems.  But who's really reading this?
---------
Mood: tired

I've just been in a half..bad mood like all week.  There is just someone thats been really rude and pissing me off. So that didn't make anything better.  I've lost two more pounds though, that makes me excited.  But then again, i'm a bit worried about how much i'm losing.  Well..not me, it's more like my mother is worried.  Anyway, one person has just been making me SOO MAD, AND I JUST WANNA BITCH HER OUT ! UGh.

On to better news, I THINK i found the real Teri Hatcher on Twitter...but i can't tell if its her or not... *shrugs*.  I love twitter.  And oh, i'm doing a TON of artwork on photoshop, i'm getting so much better.  Maybe i'll post something later

And Audrey GOSH I WUV HER hehe.  She sent me the Sentinel on dvd the other day!  gaaaaasp Richard Burgi is so hot.  Marcia Cross is so lucky to work with him on DH!

And i've stumbled upon this amazing show. *DRUMROLLS* timannnnnnn!  Neal McDonough is so cute in it, and i LOVVVE Alan Cummings, he was HILARIOUS!  And of course Zooey was adorable, and i love the girl that plays Azkadellia.

And um, i'm leaving now.  Because I'm reallllly tired.  I pulled a all nighter the other day

-------------
Mood: Tired

This is what would happen if me and Shawn pyfrom had a child
http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/2db3b3d2a31a5b5bed8323b591847ede/0/622411/Baby-of-hot-jpg-and-Pre-MTV-Movie-Awards-Hollywood-Life-Lounge-01-jpg.jpeg

hjahahahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15xKfLSSQF4&feature=related
<3 <3 <3 <3

THE SENTINEL IS ON RIGHT NOWWWWWWWW *fangirl squeal* RICHARDDDDDDDD

Maddie is sitting next to me playing Kindom Hearts, and i have the urge to make...CASTLE ART.  LIKE THIS MINUTE!

Leads to this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIZvT1M85Bc

Ever since summer, my life as just gone down the crapper. I've been pissed everyday.  I'm mad...i'm angry..and i just want to shoot someone!  UGH.  But i love making art, and making videos, they are the things that make me happy.  Ugh but then my mom just pisses me off again, because she wont let me to go to college in California...and i'm going with or without her permission..i really don't give a shit.


I just...want to get away...right now.  I want to go back to California, and just start over...ugh i want to cry.

THIS is what i do during boredom...

http://tribstar.autoconx.com/photos/058/500919058_1_B.jpg

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